H.E. [ 03.28.04, 2:48 p.m. ]

hello all! wow, i almost didn't know what to type since there's no 'random' up there. o wells.

know what i hate the most out of every emotion there could possibly be? ok, so it may be an emotion and then again it couldn't really. there's really no name for it that i can think of. (and if anyone can think of a name for it, be my guest. just tell me so i can lable myself with it every once in a while.) for now we'll call it the "Hermit Emotion" or the HE for short.

i always get the HE at least once every day. the urge to become non-existant to everyone around you for even just a couple of minutes. i'm not talking about dying here, ok? cause that would be messed up. but sometimes i wish people would just forget i'm there for a couple secs. I want people to leave me alone.

some sure signs you have the HE: 1. you want to crawl into a hole. now, you usually want to do this out of embarassment, or anger, any other emotion. but what makes it so relative to the HE is that you have no reason to be in the hole except you WANT to be. 2. next is the desire to just outright cry. cry at what? nothing. that's right. when you have HE you feel like crying, but you don't. there's no reason to cry, nothing bad has happened, you're not depressed, but you still want to cry. 3. you would give anything to just get the people you're with out of your line of vision. that's right, you want them to go away. not cause you don't like them or they're not paying attention to you or being annoying. just because you want to be alone. (hence the "hermit" in HE). 4. when you think about all of the above things you just feel bad about it. sometimes. you wish you didn't want to have the HE but at the same time you love the fact that you love to be alone.5. you'd rather be at home on a friday night instead of out with your best friend. this is all the time. now to some people that's messed up. but to a person like me with the HE you bask in your alone time. even if the alone time you have is all the time. ah, basking. 6. you can't explain when someone asks you if something is wrong. yes, the best friend that you just blew off doesn't get the fact that you have to stay in your room with nothing to do and you LIKE it. so, they think something is wrong with your friendship. nothing's wrong, you just like to be with yourself. you're awesome. haha. 7. you can't explain the HE. and when you do or try to do this (as i have just attempted) it ends up not working very well. haha. you end up listing things that, when put together ends up being some sort of anti-social disorder. BUT see number 8. 8. you know, if no one else around you does, that this is not an anti-social disorder. especailly if you took psycology. 9. you're tired but when you get home you can't sit down. to the others that were around you, you'd seem out of it, look tired and slouched, gazing off to some distant land that you made up. all you want to do is go home. now, you're not miserable cause you're not home, you just wanna be home. so you're a slug. until you get home...where you're bouncing off the walls and having the time of your life. 10. you WANT to stay with the people you're with, you're having fun doing whatever it is you're doing. but you want to do it at your house and alone. haha. i know, that's not really possible if you think about it. you want to do what everyone else is doing but by yourself. ok.

i'm hoping this sounds familiar to someone besides myself?

i hope so cause...that's that. that's the "Hermit Emotion" and i have it all the time. at least half the day. make sence? to me. haha. oh, i'm such a momo.

i only just typed that cause of what happened at church. my HE came back immediately after service when dance practice started. and now i regret having the HE but i have acknowledged my problem.

say it with me now..."I am Weller and I have a problem." "Hello Weller."

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