6 days. not as bad as last time, but still pretty bad.
see, the time spent at home is minimal. well, the time spent awake and alone at home is minimal.
i can't write what i'm really thinking when there's someone sitting in my livingroom reading a book. i don't know. i get all like "what if she comes over here and reads all this stuff." then i can't write what i really want to and it becomes this whole keeping it inside thing until i get miserable
and, folks, that's what happened. miserable i did get.
see, aranel and ben are now an item. (and i had to ask for that information, btw-like i didn't help them!)
i don't know what my problem is. all the sudden i see them together and i get all angry. why? i don't know, and i get even more angry because of that. then i just start getting sad because i feel like a jerk cause i'm disliking something about them and i can't even tell them what it is (not like i would anyways). so here i am, in this bout of depression and anger all because my brain is crapping out on me.
i talked with shana the other night about it, you know, seeing if there could be something i missed. but in the process i started freaking her out.
so, really. i guess there's no hope for me.
the only thing i can see would be the current stressors in my life these days. two jobs, school, boyfriend, best friend living with me, lack of sleep (my own fault). all stressors.
and i suppose when i have my own space back it will be quite the welcomed relief. i like having sarah there tho. sometimes. and i bet there are times when she feels like punching me in the face.
it's just part of growing up i suppose. i just think now that we both have boys to "entertain", things are going to get tight. and i'm so passive (in my outward appearance - inside i'm doing all the stewing anyone could ever dream of not doing) that no matter what happens, i just roll with it. i complain to myself and get all worked up about it, but i roll none the less.
one day i'm gonna hit the bottom of the hill. then what? - Weller

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