new shiny things to destroy! [ 01.04.05, 6:26 p.m. ]

what's comin my way? a shiny new laptop! can i say how much i love Gateway?
actually, i love my family more. a thousand dollars between my mom/dad and grandma/grandpa just for getting my associates.
how awesome is that. now i wonder what would've happened if i had gone on to my bachelors!
i'm kidding.
and it's not even the money. though i LOVE the money. it's the fact that they appreciate what i did. and that they're willing to give more than a pat on the back or a hug. that they love me so much, they'd put themselves into debt just so...I'M KIDDING. they're not in debt. but come on! how much more could my family love me?
i'm so thankful for them. even when they don't give me money. and that isn't very often.
actually, i wish they wouldn't give me any money. they have been for the past 21 years. but when they do, it's all good.
so by the 13th i'll have something shiny and new to play with. make me even more computer dependant. AND, it never fails, now that i'll be able to do this in bed, more laziness! YAY!
oh, someone make sure i'm not going to do that. lol.
the rest of the moolah will go to my car payments! so i'll be paying my way out of my hole! yay!
i probably should've used that in the first place.

church. i've been thinking about it. duh.
i can't get over the fact that i'm seriously stuck there. i keep thinking about it.
and the thing is, i'm stuck there because of myself. i decided to just take myself out of sunday school and try and teach it! who does that! the one day i taught, the kids asked when Sylvia was coming back! i'm THAT bad at it.
am i supposed to be there?
*sigh* oh who knows. God. i wish he'd tell me.
then again, that's my fault too. cutting off the prayer and reading. why do i do that! it happens like bi-monthly. i'll get into this groove where i wake up, shower, get dressed, do the hair, read the bible, go to work. then all the sudden...there's 50 other things for me to do instead that are not even close in importance to my life.
then i sit here and type away about how i'm slipping and how all this stuff is stressing me. and who did it? again? yeah, me.
someone slap me.
i guess the biggest question i have about reading the bible is:
Where the hay do i begin? i can't just rendomly open the bible, read something and think about it, and expect it to have some meaning in my life. it doesn't work that way.
i've tried all sorts of books and daily breads. they loose my interest. bi-monthly i guess.
i don't know where to start. i want to fix this.
any suggestions? - Weller

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