aloha!
things straightened themselves out Sunday. i took the whole afternoon to myself.
thinking and such. i was supposed to read my bible and do some praying, but who was i fooling. that never seems to get done with me.
it's really a shame.
my church is falling apart. and with a new pastor maybe coming to us, how the heck can he put up with it? i know, God knows what's best. and i do trust Him. i just hope this guy's more prayed up than i am.
people keep saying we're a "peculiar" people. yes, my church is peculiar alright. but i wish they'd use the word "difficult" because that's really what we've made ourselves.
things keep happening there that are making me crazy. and, the funny thing is, not one of them have anything to do with me. yeah, i'm in the church, the problem is in the church - but on a personal level, there's nothing i can do about it. and it's really none of my business.
but it's mine. and i want to save it. or, if i can't save it, just repair a few leaks. *sigh*
church is supposed to be a place you can run to. i'm running away from it.
aranel text messaged me sunday morning telling me she was going to david's church. (and ben's...) i wanted so badly to go. but i couldn't. sunday school. and that made me more upset. i am now STUCK in that church. i can't get out. the only time i can go somewhere else is during evening service. i high-tail it to Perryville.
maybe that's the way God wants it, stuck, but it's making me miserable at times right now. and that sucks.
it's what i've grown up with. i've been going there since i wasn't born and now it's frustrating me to see all these grownups who act like they don't have a brain in the world.
and i can't fix it.
- Weller

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