well, here i am. the first entry written in bed.
sad, really.
that i'm in bed. instead of freezing my tootsies off at the computer desk.
i feel bad tho. i feel like i've abandoned my computer.
and i suppose i have. but should i feel bad that it's sitting in the other room, all alone, listening to the click-click of the key pad and grimacing every time i get an instant message?
i should, then again...
and does it know that i'm debating selling the poor thing?
see, and this is why David always says he worries about me. i care about things that don't have feelings. i'm insane
ANYWAY. rather than talk about things that we KNOW about...let's delve into the things that are strange and unusual...
like the fact that rob called me the other day. wanted to know if i wanted to hang out. with ellen, jean, christy. him.
he called to confirm our plans for wednesday and he asks if i'd like to go to dinner. sure. then he says , ok we'll get some dinner then go to jean and christy's house. UM. so who's getting dinner? me and him? i think not. i plan to call ellen up and if she's not going with us to dinner, than i'm not going at all.
i'm not going to put myself through that, and i don't think David would like that very much.
it's not that i don't like rob, it's i'm afraid he likes me, somewhere. and even if he doesn't. it just isn't sitting well with me that we may be alone together eating dinner. i know, that's dumb but i have my reasons. even if i can't think of them right now.
i can't believe Jean gave him my number. i'm not angry, i just don't know why she would do that. i mean, yeah i'd like to know if rob's alive here and there. that's cool. and if i happen to stumble upon him somewhere, that's cool too.
but there's got to be a reason we don't talk anymore. why would you want to interrupt that.
my mom told me i should invite David. i still don't know.
i'm debating weather or not to inform David. i know i will. i've got to. i want him to know. but how am i going to say it?
"hey, babe, i'm hanging out with my ex on wednesday, is that okay with you?"
i'd tell me no if i were him. a big, strong, resounding NO. maybe that's what i need. he knows how i feel about my exes. there are reasons for them being my exes. ah, David. my dear.
i just don't know why all the sudden he wants to hang out with me. what's up with that? i know people don't disappear, but why, oh why do things from my past keep coming back one at a time.
can't they all just come at once so i can scream NO at them then watch them fade into the abyss?
maybe i did something wrong when i was dating rob, and God's giving me a chance to fix it. but there is no way i'm going to dinner alone with him.
i would think about David the whole time and how he wouldn't want me to.
so i'm not going to.
what can i say, i love the boy. - Weller

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