- [ 09.19.05, 9:50 p.m. ]

tomorrow at 10 Lidsney will be put to rest.
it's going to be hard.
hard being there, watching my friends cry and trying not to myself.
hard going back to work after and holding my composure.

it didn't hit me until i told my boss that i have to leave tomorrow for a "friend's funeral." i got all chocked up, thankfully i hung up before i got all teary eyed. lump in my throat.

what's wrong with me? why do i think that crying over a lost friend is something i need to stop?

and, unfortunatley, she is lost.

unless by some miracle God intervened and gave her a chance to know him in her last moments, i fear she's lost forever.

that's what makes me want to cry the most.

the fact that i may not see her in heaven.

the fact that she's suffering.

the fact that i most likely missed an opportune time to talk with her about Jesus.

i know, i can't blame me. but i can. i won't. but i will.

it's just something you have to go through. like it makes you look in the mirror. see where you need to buck up on, you know?

i know you do. even if this hasn't happened to you. you know.

continue to pray for the Burke family.
- Weller

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