everything's getting fuzzy... [ 11.08.05, 9:22 p.m. ]

aha!

for once in my life my room looks clean! i put my dresser in my closet and all is well.

even Namander's presents look nice all spread out on the sill of my bed.

yes, my bed has a sill. i don't know if it's called that, but hey.

everyone's gets so excited when i tell them that david and i were talking about rings.

we also talk about the end of the world and my fuzzy blue cookie monster socks.

but i can see the need for excitement. and the reason for it. i'd like to be excited for someone too. specially if i found out they were speaking of weddings.

i dunno. i guess i'm just still scared about the whole idea.

i know David is a wonderful Christian young man who has faith bigger than a mustard seed...i know i love him so much. and even to the point where i do want to spend forever with him.

but then there's the stepping out on my own that this talking stuff will eventually lead to. and me, being the sheltered one that i am (thanks alot mom&dad), am scared because i'm afraid i won't make it.

i'm not talking about divorce, i can't see that anywhere in my future. i'm just talking about future in general. mine and his. mine apart from his, his apart from mine. my family's. my faith's. you know, all the crazy emotions.

i mean, for crying out loud. he hasn't asked me to marry him. we're very responsible people and we watch out for eachother in every way possible. there's no way either of us will rush the other, do something without the other being comfy.

but i'm worried. which is natural, i'm guessing.

worried about what? the future. i can't just stay here in this moment and say "oh, that one looks pretty." without the thought of "you better be right cause if he picks that one you'll have to wear it for eternity."

i'm insane yet again. and it's things that i shouldn't be worrying about.

so i'll go now and see if i can find my tranquelizers.

if anyone sees em, gimme a shout! :) - Weller

last - next

navigate
current
archives
profile
links
rings
reviews
extras
email
guestbook
notes
host
design