i'm supposed to be relaxing, according to David. so, here i go. let me know how i do.
it's funny how entries change the way they're written over time.
you start out like no one's reading what you write and it's just another piece of infinite web space that no one will bother to find.
then you find some other people's entries to read and your writing style changes for a bit to whatever you feel they've been feeling like.
then you realize that you're not them and are free to be yourself in this perfect vale of writing freely.
then someone comes along and comments on your writing, adds you as a friend, checks your entries...
then you start writing like you're the most genious person in the world. you think and think of all these wonderfully clever catchy things to write about and you explain them with such big words that the person on the other end no longer reads what you write for lack of a dictionary...
so, they're not paying attention anymore. but some other writers are paying attention to your entries now. surely you have to bring your knowledge of big words back into check, you can't lose anyone else...
so you write like you did in the beginning again. surely that would be more interesting than offering your opinion so much you have to make things up.
from there you figure you're friends with your entry readers now and you start talking to them in your entries...like they're sitting beside you. you "bother" them with endless notes about their own entries and when they don't respond you worry that you've lost another reader for being so friendly.
well, you have to get them back so you leave them alone for a while and forget about writing to them in your entries. you just check their entries whenever they updated and life seems to flatten itself back out for a bit.
eventually you reach that point when no matter what you write, you know someone is going to read it. and you don't care if no one reads it. what you've written has lost the earlier flare and pep that you thought for sure would keep them flocking.
then you take another look at your buddy list and pick from the masses, the chosen few who you love to read and love to read you. you finally check their profiles and notice things that you have in common...oh look, something else starts to develop.
you can write your fears and hopes here and know that these people who read faithfully will take you for who and what you are, so what if you write about nothing at all. you know they'll be there and you feel the same about them.
you start giving advice to eachother instead of just small compliments on the last entry you've both written. you open a little bit more with each entry you read. you open a bit more with each you write.
and pretty soon, you've got a good rack of friends you've never met but find excellent company and you're proud to have their diaries on your list.
and you forget about your entries being good or bad. no one sees them like that anyway. no one you know. ;)