- [ 07.29.09, 9:41 a.m. ]

when people base their lives around lies and deceit, you would think that making large decisions would be a bad thing.

well, it is.

when a person doesn't even have enough money to go out into the world with and makes a huge decision that involves being monitarily stable, that would be a bad thing too?


when you decide that one person in your life is more important to have than the hundreds that actually love you no matter what, that would be very bad.

when a person turns away from the things of God because they want to be accepted and feel okay around the people they're with but aren't respected by the people they shoved off previously, that would be bad.

sure is.

so tell me how a person can make those decisions and still think that when they announce they're getting married, everyone is going to be happy for them.

they're not. not the ones that really care.

so my sister is engaged to her boyfriend of 4 years whom i have never cared for and neither has most of the population.

how do i let go, without cutting her off completely. though, it seems she doesn't care.

we talked about it and i expressed my concern and stated that my body would not be at a ceremony that my heart was not comfortable with.

the next day i hear a comment she made about me being her matron of honor.

can she really be that blind?

it hurts me to think that my sister has no regard for what her friends think and even less regard for herself to allow herself TO think.

it hurts me to know that i will probably be fighting this every step of the way.

it hurts me more to know that she has shut off whenenver anyone has tried to tell her that her life is leading nowhere with this guy.

i wonder what genes mom and dad missed passing along.

i guess i'm so worried, no i'll say scared, because of what she's doing already because of his presence and what her life could turn into because of the choices she's making.

i'm scared that this time we've really lost her. who am i kidding, she's BEEN gone.

i always complained about the lack of relationship between her and myself but realized last night how much more i insane i would be if i had had a relationship with her and this happened.

i talk about it like it's a tragedy. it is to me.

marriage is supposed to make your life better. the person you marry is supposed to contribute GOOD things to your life.

if your fiance isn't contributing good things to your life now? how long do you think you'll have to struggle with everything the devil throws at you? longer because you chose the wrong direction from the beginning.

i hesitate from going into details because i just get myself all anxious and upset. it's almost 10am and i don't feel like making this a bad day.

friday her boyfriend is supposed to come talk with david and i.

i don't know why but i know God is giving me the chance to redeem whatever hope there is to have a normal relationship with them. however, i am rather scared to have him over my house to talk about why i've never liked him, apparently he knows why and i'm eager to find that out too.

the big thing is, i want God to step in NOW. i've wanted him to step in 4 years ago!

and my sister doesn't care, as long as she's the only one that is happy.

i pray to God that she is TRULY happy and that that's not just another lie she's building her glass house with.

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