Boys, sometimes a gal just wants one... [ 2003-02-24, 9:01 p.m. ]

So, anything new? not really. i can't decide on something.

the other day, i saw Erucolindo walking up to the school, i flew into a parking space, jumped out of my car and yelled his name. he turned around, i don't even remember what we talked about on the walk up cause i was so...i dunno what i was. excited maybe? eh, who knows. i remember him saying something to the effect to he had 3 days off and he called out on sarah cause he thought tami was working. anyways, we made it into the building and walked up the steps and went our separate ways once we got up there.

i think i scared him. no, seriously, i think i did. like, i truly think he thinks i'm shady.

my decision on forgetting Erucolindo as a romantic aspect of my life isn't working. well, it is, but again it isn't. he's a really nice guy and sarah approves and says he calls me shorty and speaks of me often, but there's nothing really there. no sparks flying, and after friday i do believe he want's to stay far away from me. hopefully i'll see him in school. then i can do my "is he freaked out" test. see, the test involves me obviously seeing him, but pretending i don't and going about my business. i'll walk by so he can see me and see if he says anything, if he does, then i didn't screw it up, but if he doesn't then i seriously will never show my face to him again.

why is it one way or the other with the guys i meet. can i not find one who will stay in the middle? like, one guy will like me alot (almost enough to make anyone sick) and that will turn me off. or, they won't like me enough and i'll pine away over them for endless days. why can't i find a guy that likes me just right? it's wacked out i tell you.

what takes my mind off these things? writing stories. about what? Legolas on some quest. hey, my sister says they're good, so i'll keep writing. i like to write.

so, 4Nuggets made me think today. just how greatful am i for the people around me? not as much as i should be. in an instant they can be taken away from me and i don't value their lives as i do my own. which i should. God says i should.

another thing...curly. i dunno what's up with me lately, but ever since i found out curly was a christian i've been checking myself. making sure i smile, making sure i laugh, making sure i'm not looking like i'm trying to get his attention. i'm such an idiot. it's strange, really. i guess i should be attracted to him, he's a christian...and a guy. but curly? ;)

mel - weller

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