RANDOM: it's sunday.
didn't really feel like pulling out a random today. it's been such a blah day, i suppose. maybe i made it that way and maybe it just happened but ever since the end of dance practice i've lost all energy and have kind of felt like crying.
i guess it's one of those 'alone' days today. i mean, i was with people all morning then i took britter home. after that i was alone in my car for at least a half hour and i believe my mind got the better of me. anyways, i was arguing with myself weather or not to go to aranel's. i didn't know if i wanted to be around any more people...*checks on brownies* i ended up going anyways to bring jess her JG cd that she's been craving (only to find out it doesn't have the song she wanted...oh phoo.). so i get there and waltz in and when aranel opens the door her mom is there. what does she say? 'what's wrong?' of course, i say nothing cause in reality nothing is wrong. she keeps asking. i'm like...NOTHING and force a smile. good, it seemed to work cause she didn't ask me anymore. up to aranel's room. i get there and stand in front of the door for a good 45 minutes, deciding weather or not i want to stay. her bro comes in and notices that i've been standing there for 45 minutes and picks me up and puts me on the bed. good fun. so now i'm on the bed watching some baseball movie that i don't really care too much about and wondering why i'm being such a bum. i know why.
and i'm not gonna say why cause i think it's the stupidest thing in the world to be bummed about. i mean, it's not like it's gonna change, cause it hasn't. no, it's not some guy either. tho being lonely has contributed somewhat to this mood i'm in. but all the way home the only thing i thought about was how i wanted to go home, burry my face in my pillow and bawl. nice, eh? i didn't. i'm making brownies and spaghetti. but i'm still bummed.
so we had our first meeting as the Pulpit Commitee (we're choosing the next pastor) i can't help thinking that it's a mistake i'm there. yea i've headed up the youth group, i know when to get down to business...but choosing a pastor for our church...that's a whole nother game you're playing. i'm just unsure of it all. it's kind of scary. i mean, i'm 20...should i be allowed to have a say in who gets appointed? well, allowed, yes, but to have such a close role in it is frightening.
then again...maybe it's just today. - Weller