Strained Lemonade [ 2003-05-17, 9:48 p.m. ]

we're all getting sick of our place of employment. Lidsney. Namander. Tamarino. Me. We are all seriously becoming stressed out. Things keep happening that should not be happening. People keep blaming things on the wrong people (poor jake-o). Why? Because they don't want to admit they make mistakes. As far as i am concerned, there have already been mistakes made. Far too many to number. We've thought of an anonymous letter, getting another job and quitting, but we cannot seem to get the "i'll feel awful leaving them alone" bit out of our heads. Now, Lidsney doesn't feel that way, and i cannot speak for Tamarino. But i talked to Namander today and she said that she felt the same. We all don't know what to do with ourselves. A mess.

I've started to back off mentally on Erucolindo. When i think about him, i no longer smile ear to ear. I smile, yes, but not as large as before. When someone talks about him, my attitude becomes "ho-hum" and then turns into a "don't care" when i know very well that if it came down to it i'd strain his lemonade for him if he asked.

Dance at church has shut down until august. i'm kind of disappointed, but i'm sure that will fade with time. the youth group is trying to write a play about temptation and forgiveness, but that turned into making fun of a drunk guy and two best friends chasing another guy. *shrug* i dunno. we will try and try again. youth day this year is not going to happen. what will happen when L-Speth, Aranel, and i are too old (21) to be in the youth group? will it shut down all together. that's my worst fear. i'd never thought of this until just now, as i was typing. but after we become 21, we could legally run a youth group. i'd love it. maybe i should look into that.

i've finally decided that i will not be attending KG in the months coming. i am going to work my butt off, hopefully get a car, and go back to CCRI to get my associates degree in the fall. it took alot of time for me to decide this. the only thing i'm worried about is if this is what God wants me to do. i realize i didn't pray. my grandparents do, my mom and dad do, they tell me all the time. but the person for whom the decidsion is being made has not prayed about it. something is wrong with this picture.

this has become a rather long entry. it is now 9:58pm and i am rather tired. i do not have sunday school tomorrow morning (yes, i am 19 and i still attend sunday school...the power of knowledge). our teacher is going to a friend's graduation. i hope she makes the right decision about her engagement. i do not know the guy but i'm thinking he's not a christian. so, i'll think of her tonight before i go to bed.

everyone is signing off AIM. i'm almost alone. haha. well, i've been up since 4:45 this morning so i do think i shall retire to my bed chamber. listen to #14 on the FOTR soundtrack and fall asleep to the scent of candles. M�ra L�m�, and for my non-elven friends, good night.

-Weller

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