"tears"
hey. as you know, i went over joe's last night. what was i thinking? who the heck knows. but that's not the point. the point is that i left crying.
he didn't do anything, so don't get your gun out or sic your bro on him. i was crying because i knew what i had to do and i didn't want to do it. i did it, but i didn't want to. it's officially freaking over. no more anything. calls on the phone and visits, no touching, no kissing, no nothing.
we were just laying there and he wraps his arms around me and it felt SO right. but i knew nothing good would come of it. girl, he told me he wanted to be with me for the rest of forever. he would've proposed if he believed in love. he asked how you're supposed to know if you're in love. (i'm sick of guys being in love with me) i'm freaking nineteen. how the heck am i supposed to fit a serious relationship into my all ready busy scedule? and one that isn't going to work out because the thing about religion, not to mention. i hated it. everything he said to me made my heart break. and he even had me second guessing myself. but i knew what had to be done, and i did leave the house crying. i don't cry. i'm not a drama queen. i did like him. alot more than i would let on. but there's no blessing from God there. i just hope i can keep away this time. i hope i can do what is right and what God wants me to do. i'm rediculous. he said he was going to kiss my cheek before i left and i just lost it. tears came pouring down my face, i was SO embarassed. and the line that always makes us gals cry more is "are you crying?" i was like...no...boo hoo hoo. i needed to be slapped in the face. we were just laying there in the dark...and when i looked up at him, his eyes were closed and he was sooooo cute. but i had to do what i did. and there's no going back. not this time. not anytime. gond-sui i'll be. (like a rock - lit. "rock-like")
*sigh* no one told me it would be this hard.
Mel - Weller