RANDOM: "When I find my focus and keep my balance - I find that all is right within my world." - Thomas Kinkade
happay turkey's eve day!
ah, the end of fall and the onslaught of massive ammounts of people rushing through the doors of the nearest store. how sweet.
blech. it's too bad that christmas is so soon after thanksgiving, maybe we'd all have our wits by the time it was all over.
hoping everyone is where they want to be this holiday.
singing at church sunday was def interresting. everyone was crying. well, i wasn't at first, then my cousin started in. i dunno if it was over my grandma being gone or because something touched her heart (prays for the latter). i started crying while i was trying to comfort her, then my aunt started praying for us and said something about "bless my nieces tender hearts." and i lost it some more. there we were bawling in the back row. all i could think about was the fact that she isn't saved and i want that for her more than anything. if this was the time it was going to happen, then i wanted to let her know i was there, ya know? anyways. right after everyone stopped crying lucky me had to sing. what song did i choose the night before but Amazing Grace. oh sheesh. i was all tears when i walked up there. my voice was shaking, suprisingly i still sounded good (so they tell me). i get through more than half of the song when it comes time for me to sing the chorus to end it all. boy did i end it all. rather, God ended it all. i couldn't think, breathe, or stop myself from crying. it just came out! it was so weird, i had never before in my life cried while in song. it was so weird, but i wasn't embarrassed like i thought i'd be. i couldn't breathe to the point where when i tried to say something there was a squeak during my intake of breath. then the tears came down. i don't know why i was crying either. it was a good cry tho. wicked good cry. during my second selection i didn't cry. my sister was backin me up up there so i had to hold it all together. we sang "come as you are" by jaci velasquez and some guy that has a really good voice. i thought it ironic to sing that cause the first time i sang it to my cousin (tho she didn't know it) but i think she got it this time. we kinda messed up the harmony once cause i sang the wrong thing. *wince* but they said we sounded good. *HA!* afterwards, when the service was over one of my good friends (a woman since i've known seemingly forever), sister sylvia, came up to me and told me that it touched her when i cried. my humbleness touched her. boy didn't that get me started again. my chin did that crinkly thing when you're about to cry and here come the tears. i hate crying. but for some reason, that day it was ok. it was a cool feeling.
anyways. took my TTTExtendedEdt back today cause the last 2 cd's didn't play. they just wouldn't. the first 2 did, but the second didn't. i know not why. i took them back and got a whole new set. think these work? NO! why would they? argh. i'm so disappointed. i think i'm gonna get my money back and go somewhere else and get it. maybe they got shipped all the defective ones. dunno. *bwah* i just wanna watch it!
went christmas shopping. for 4hrs tuesday. i know, that's no big feat but i was tired! i never knew how much shopping could weaken a person! i'm not even half finished yet either! hay vey! out of my list of 21 peeps i've only got 6 done! how awful is that! that leaves 15! let's see...4 hours...6 people...i believe i've got at least 10hrs of shopping to be done! (hope i did that right.) then again, i don't really care cause there's no way i'm spending 14hrs shopping. never have, never will. ever.
getting worried about that someone. i gotta do something! i mean, i love to sit there and think "does he like me too? maybe...well, then again maybe he thinks i'm creepy..." ya know, girl thoughts. (prolly guy thoughts too) i just dunno. i really don't see why i waste my time either. i know i'm supposed to find a man of God and i know he's not one. but he's so cute and fluffy and he's just got the cutest sweatpants! it's not like i'm gonna marry him! tho that would be real nice. dating. go figure. but seriously. where am i supposed to find my guy? all in good time i suppose. in His perfect plan. i'll just wait and drool from afar. lol i'm kinda scared i won't be looking in the right direction when i'm supposed to. that's all. darn non-existent love-life.
ah, that's alot of writing for tonite. maybe i'll go for some of the story i'm writing. then again... - Weller