today is sunday.
aranel was at church! so was her bf shawn. it's all so great when you don't feel awkward sitting next to someone you've grown up with.
yeah, i felt awkward. until pastor told us to greet eachother and i grabbed aranel. she cried, a almost cried. it was just a big tear-fest. ms gwen came over too and grabbed her.
that girl is loved so much, it's just too bad no one sees her. too bad neither of us makes an effort. in fact, that's what we say to eachother when we see eachother. we apologize and say "well, i've made no effort." then the other will laugh and echo.
she said that she missed me. if she only knew how much she's on my mind. if she only knew how much i miss her. it's gotten to the point where i can't be comfortable around her unless someone else is with me. that's how long it's been. well, since we've had some us time.
we used to sit around and talk for hours. when we weren't talking it's like we were using telepathy. and now we don't talk at all. we miss eachother. we do nothing about it.
what is a person supposed to do when they're not comfortable being at someone else's house because of certain things. i'm dreading the day she asks me to sleep over. i've got to have some conditions met. no men in the house - at all - and even if there were no men, i still wouldn't feel comfortable because of the illegal activities that have gone on there...in my presence none the less.
it's just so hard when those surrounding your old best friend are more in the world than you're comfortable with. more than you're comfortable for her with.
if they could leave every night, that'd be fine. but they live there. they own the house. i don't want to say she can't do anything about it, but she didn't exactly say anything about it when i was there.
and she knows how i feel about that stuff. or maybe she's forgotten, it's been so long...
who knows. but finally, i'm over the awkwardness i feel around her. i finally know that she hasn't forgotten about me and i know there's hope yet for her to turn it all around.
there's always been hope. i just had to see it.
luvs - Weller