aranel just told me she's been proposed to. and accepted.
i'm excited, i'm scared, i'm not excited, i'm happy, i'm not happy, i'm not scared, i'm happy, i'm confused, i'm worried, i'm not confused or worried, i'm a mess.
i guess i just thought that they'd wait a bit. i mean, it's been a bit, they're already living together so why the heck not.
then i'm like, that's awesome each of them found someone to be with forever. and he's lucky it's her and she's...lucky it's him?
i guess i really need to get a grip. figure out what it is i feel here. i can't go from good idea to bad idea and i can't float around in the middle.
i keep thinking about how others would feel when david and i get engaged. she'd be wicked happy. so would everyone else, right?
i'm just scared because he's not a christian. it's so hard for a christian to marry a non because of the obvious belief system difference. then i think about how much things have changed with her life and such and i wonder if i have to worry about the yolk being uneven...
he's catholic. not practicing. and i know religion doesn't make someone a not nice person. he's actually a very nice man. very respectful to her and others around her. i mean, he's a good guy. i like him. right up to the point where he asked her to marry him. should've asked me first.
i suppose things have just been so hard for her in the past, when stuff looks good i want it to be that way. i want everything to be perfect for her from here on in. i want God to be in on it. i dunno if he is.
i hate this because i'm questioning her faith, which is none of my business. although at times the bible says it is. i hate this because i feel like i'm not trusting her.
i hate this because i feel like i'm not trusting God.
it's his perfect plan, or is it? is this God's decision or theirs?
in the end, it's the couple's decision, it is in every marriage. but was God even asked?
see the dilemma. this is going to bother me for a while. and i think there's going to be a big problem when she asks if i'll be her maid of honor.
and who knows? maybe God's using this to get them both back on track! that would be my prayer! God's got this, but i know we all have free will... and that'w what's unnerving.
and who says she's off track anyways! ok, she's living with her boyfriend (now fiance), but what does that mean? she made a bad choice. she could know that. she could have repented. she could be perfectly fine and read and pray and study and she could be the perfect christian. i haven't seen her in goodness knows how long. i don't know how often she's been to church since she left. she could be shooting up there with the stars. girl could have more faith than i do.
i don't know.
i need to do some heavy-duty praying. i'm talking, going up into the mountains. i need to talk to pastor...
- Weller