i just read all my notes to Hannah. Boy, i'm long winded.
saturday david and i are going to look at rings.
i say at because we're not looking for them. unless i find one like i found my awesome car.( just hit me.) then we'll be looking for rings. ;)
it's so weird. david and i talked about aranel's engagement and then ours and then other stuff not even related to the time space contineum that i like to call life.
we're kind of going slower than originally planned the day we met eachother. we were gonna get married the next day, elope and such...ok so i'm kidding. but the whole aranel engagement really made us look at ourselves, apart and together. look at what we wanted out of life, apart and together. funny how each of us had the other on our list...
i've been thinking again. and it could be good. could be bad. could be whatever it turns out to be. but i'm getting really tired alot from it.
thinking about david and i and rings and weddings and parents and stuff. then thinking aobut aranel and weddings and right and talks and stuff. then back to the ring again. then it's off in a whole other direction and i'm thinking about what's for lunch tomorrow. then back to aranel and david and i and the ring.
it's hard.
specially since you're afraid you want to get engaged because your friend did, knowing that's not why and you just feel that way because you feel like she'll accuse you of stealing her spotlight and you're not or because you feel like that's how she feels and you want to get engaged just so she'll say something. then back to the "she's got nothing to do with my decision, i love David." stage. then it's back to feeling like aranel stole your thunder and now you have to think about her and your situations and remind yourself of the differences and the similarities and hope and pray that you're not wanting this for the wrong reasons. then you have to think about how soon you really want to start this idea of engagement and such.
i tell you, that can make you want to lay down and sleep for 3 days straight. maybe 3 months.
can you guys pray alot? specially on saturday. if it's not meant to be yet, then i need to know that. if it is, then i need to feel okay if i do find the ring on saturday.
it doesn't mean we'll buy it. but it means i'll be thinking about it forever and three days and thinking about all the things i'll have to be thinking about.
back to the asking you guys to pray...i've gone insane. rings aren't supposed to make you insane.
i guess i'm more worried that i will find one and that i'll have to come back to my parents and be like "we found it." and watch the expressions on their faces.
i know they'll be happy, but i think i'd cry. i'm so worried i'll cry. which makes me scared to go looking saturday.
i'm a mess. i really just need to go to bed. get some sleep.
is there such a thing as pre-engagement cold feet?
- Weller